Why I Keep Coming Back

I’ve been asked before why I keep coming back—to writing, to faith, to church, to trying again.

The short answer is because something inside me knows this is where life is found. But the longer answer is a lot more complicated—and a lot more honest.

How My Writing Started

I didn’t start writing to get attention or sympathy. I started writing because I was hurting, and I knew I wasn’t the only one.

My heart behind writing and helping people has always been simple: I wanted people who were in a dark place to know they weren’t alone, and that asking for help wasn’t something to be ashamed of.

I chose honesty—real honesty. The kind that talks about mental health, addiction, brokenness, and struggle without sugarcoating it.

Unfortunately, that honesty came at a cost.

Some of my writings were later used against me during custody court proceedings. Words that were meant to help others were taken out of context and used to paint a picture of instability instead of transparency.

That hurt deeply.

But even then, I don’t regret being honest. Because silence would have helped no one—and honesty might still help someone who’s afraid to speak up.

Walking Away from God… and Finding My Way Back

There was also a season where I walked away from God and the church entirely.

For about two years, I stepped away from Christianity and studied a different religion. I was searching. Questioning. Trying to understand what I really believed.

By the end of those two years, I came to a hard but clear realization: I was wrong.

I didn’t believe in what I was studying. Deep down, I still believed in God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.

I believe now that God never left—I was the one who wandered.

One of the biggest reasons I found my way back was my mom. She never stopped praying for me. Not once. Even when I was distant, even when I was lost, she trusted God with my life.

Eventually, those prayers found their way home.

More Grounded Than Ever

Coming back to Jesus has been one of the most grounding experiences of my life.

I’m learning so much—from church, from Bible study, and from my own time at home in Scripture. I find myself researching parts of the Bible, digging deeper, and truly appreciating the truth and peace it brings.

There’s a steadiness now that wasn’t there before.

Faith doesn’t mean life is easy—but it does mean life makes sense again.

One thing that’s at the top of my list every single day now is simple, but powerful:

Do the next right thing.

I don’t have to fix everything at once. I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to be faithful in the next step.