There was a time in my life when I felt like saying “yes” made me a good person. Like if I kept showing up for everyone else, staying available, and never turning anything down… then people would like me, respect me, and I’d feel needed.
But the truth is, being a constant “yes man” doesn’t always come from kindness. Sometimes it comes from fear.
- Fear of being disliked
- Fear of conflict
- Fear of disappointing someone
- Fear of being abandoned
- Fear of being seen as selfish
And if you’re anything like me, you know what happens when you keep saying yes when you really mean no: you start feeling drained, resentful, overwhelmed, and stretched so thin that you don’t even recognize yourself.
Saying “No” Is Not Being Mean
A lot of us grew up thinking “no” is rude. Like it’s a rejection. Like it means you don’t care. But “no” can actually be one of the most honest and loving words you can say—especially when you’re saying it to protect your mental health, your recovery, your schedule, your family time, or your peace.
Because if I say “yes” when I’m exhausted, I’m not giving you the best of me. I’m giving you the leftovers. And then I’m mad at you… even though I never told you the truth. That’s not love. That’s people-pleasing.
The Real Cost of Always Saying Yes
Being a “yes man” costs more than time. It costs energy. It costs boundaries. It costs mental health. Here’s what it can look like:
- You take on too much, then crash
- You keep rescuing people, but nobody rescues you
- You agree to things, then spend days dreading them
- You feel guilty for needing rest
- You lose your routine, your peace, and sometimes even your sobriety
And let’s be real—recovery requires boundaries. If I’m serious about staying healthy, I can’t keep giving everyone access to me 24/7.
Some People Will Not Like the New You
This part is hard, but it’s real: when you start saying no, some people will act like you changed.
And you did.
- You changed from being overly available to being healthy
- You changed from being controlled by guilt to being led by peace
- You changed from being drained to being intentional
Sometimes people get used to a version of you that had no boundaries, and when you finally create some, it inconveniences them. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It means the relationship needs a new standard.
Saying “No” Can Be a Spiritual Thing Too
If you’re faith-based like me, this is important: even Jesus didn’t say yes to everybody. He didn’t heal every person in every town. He didn’t stay available to every demand. He pulled away to pray. He rested. He had a purpose and He moved with intention.
So if I’m trying to live with purpose, I can’t let other people’s expectations run my life. Sometimes saying no is how you say:
- “God, I trust You with this.”
- “I’m protecting the peace You’ve been building in me.”
- “I’m not going back to burnout.”
- “I’m not going back to chaos.”
What a Healthy “No” Sounds Like
A lot of people don’t say no because they don’t know how. So here are some simple ways to do it without disrespect:
- “I can’t commit to that right now.”
- “I’m not available, but I hope it goes well.”
- “I need to pass this time.”
- “That doesn’t work for me.”
- “I’ve got to protect my schedule and my mental health.”
Notice how none of those require a long explanation. You don’t owe everybody your life story to justify your boundary.
The Goal Isn’t to Be Harsh — It’s to Be Honest
Learning to say no doesn’t mean becoming cold or selfish. It means becoming honest. It means knowing your limits and respecting them.
It means you stop living your life as a reaction to everyone else, and you start living your life with intention. And for me, that’s a big part of growth: realizing I don’t need to earn love by overextending myself.
Final Thoughts
If you’re the type of person who’s always been the “yes man,” hear me clearly:
- You are allowed to say no.
- You are allowed to rest.
- You are allowed to have boundaries.
- You are allowed to protect your peace.
Because when you start choosing peace over pleasing people, you don’t lose your kindness—you just stop losing yourself.
— Josh Bridges
YOU {R} NOT ALONE YOU HAVE A VOICE! 