For a long time, I thought loving other people meant putting myself last.
I thought it meant saying yes when I wanted to say no.
It meant accepting disrespect because I didn’t want conflict.
It meant over-explaining, over-giving, and over-apologizing… even when I wasn’t the one in the wrong.
But eventually I learned something that changed everything:
You can’t pour love into others if you don’t believe you’re worth love yourself.
And that’s where self-respect comes in.
What Self-Respect Really Means
Self-respect isn’t arrogance. It isn’t acting better than anybody.
Self-respect is simply this:
- Knowing your worth even when you feel broken
- Setting boundaries even when people get uncomfortable
- Treating yourself like someone you are responsible for
- Not abandoning yourself just to keep someone else happy
A lot of us weren’t taught this. Some of us were taught the opposite—“be quiet,” “deal with it,” “don’t be dramatic,” “keep the peace.” And if you grew up learning that love is earned through pleasing people, self-respect can feel like a foreign language.
But it matters more than we realize.
Why You Have to Respect Yourself Before You Can Love Others
Here’s the truth nobody likes to admit:
When you don’t respect yourself, you’ll accept anything that feels like love.
You’ll tolerate things you shouldn’t tolerate.
You’ll ignore red flags because you’re scared of being alone.
You’ll keep giving chances to people who keep showing you who they really are.
And even worse… when you don’t love yourself, you may end up loving other people in unhealthy ways:
- You might become clingy because you’re afraid they’ll leave
- You might become controlling because you don’t feel secure
- You might overextend yourself to “prove” your value
- You might take everything personally because you’re already at war inside
That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It means your heart is trying to survive using tools it learned during hard times.
But healthy love requires something steady to stand on. And self-respect is that steady ground.
Self-Respect Changes the Kind of Love You Give
When you respect yourself, you love differently.
You stop begging for attention and start requiring mutual effort.
You stop chasing people who don’t choose you.
You stop confusing chaos with chemistry.
You stop trying to be “enough” for someone who’s committed to misunderstanding you.
Self-respect doesn’t make you cold. It makes you clear.
And when you’re clear, you stop losing yourself in relationships.
What Self-Respect Looks Like in Real Life
Self-respect isn’t just a quote you share. It’s a lifestyle built in small moments:
- Walking away from conversations where you’re being insulted
- Not texting someone back just because you feel lonely
- Apologizing when you’re wrong—but not living in guilt when you’re not
- Being honest with yourself about what’s hurting you
- Choosing healing even when it takes time
- Keeping promises you make to yourself
Sometimes self-respect is as simple as getting up, cleaning your space, drinking water, taking your meds, going to therapy, going for a walk—doing the basic things that tell your brain: “I matter.”
Loving Yourself Isn’t Selfish—It’s Necessary
People will try to label boundaries as selfish. They’ll call self-care “being dramatic.” They’ll miss the old version of you that had no limits.
But the people who truly love you will adjust. They’ll respect your growth, even if it challenges them.
Because self-respect doesn’t destroy relationships—it exposes the ones that were built on you having none.
A Reminder for Anyone Struggling With This
If you’ve been through trauma, addiction, depression, or years of feeling like you were never enough… loving yourself might feel impossible sometimes.
But you don’t have to start with “I love myself.”
Start smaller:
- “I’m learning.”
- “I’m trying.”
- “I’m worth the effort.”
- “I don’t have to hate myself to change.”
Self-respect is not something you wake up with one day. It’s something you practice until it becomes your standard.
And once it becomes your standard, you stop loving people from emptiness… and you start loving them from strength.
By Josh Bridges
YOU {R} NOT ALONE YOU HAVE A VOICE! 