The holidays are supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year,” right? That’s what the movies say. That’s what social media shows. That’s what the commercials keep telling us—big smiling families, matching pajamas, perfect dinners, kids ripping open gifts around a glowing tree.
But for a lot of us, that’s not reality. And if you live with depression, this time of year can hit a lot harder than people realize.
For me, the holidays are especially tough because my kids aren’t with me. I love them deeply, and not having them here during a season that’s all about “family” can feel like someone twisting a knife that’s already there. It’s a loud reminder of what’s missing, what’s changed, and what I wish I could fix overnight.
That’s the thing about depression during the holidays: it’s not just sadness. It’s grief. It’s guilt. It’s memories. It’s comparison. And sometimes, it’s silence in a house that you wish was full of noise.
Why the Holidays Can Make Depression Worse
There are a few reasons this season can hit harder:
- Pressure to be happy. Everyone expects you to be “cheerful” and “in the spirit.” When you’re not, you start feeling broken or “less than,” like you’re failing at Christmas.
- Memories and losses. The holidays bring up people who are gone, relationships that changed, and traditions that don’t look the same anymore.
- Loneliness in a crowded world. You can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. And if you’re actually physically alone? That feeling can become overwhelming.
- Financial stress. Wanting to give but not having enough money adds its own kind of shame and anxiety.
Put all that on top of depression that might already be there, and yeah—the holidays can be heavy.
What Helps Me: Support, Structure, and Self-Care
I’m not going to pretend I have it all figured out, because I don’t. But I am learning how to get through this season without completely shutting down.
Here are a few things that help me:
1. Leaning on My People
I’m blessed to have my mom and my sister Jesse in my corner. They don’t fix everything. They can’t magically make the pain of missing my kids disappear. But they do something just as important—they show up.
Sometimes that means:
- A phone call or text just checking in
- Inviting me over so I’m not sitting alone with my thoughts
- Letting me talk about how I feel without trying to “cheer me up” too fast
If you have even one person like that—a parent, sibling, friend, sponsor, pastor, whoever—lean into that. Let them know this time of year is hard for you. You don’t have to carry it alone.
2. Using the Tools I’ve Learned
Over the years, through therapy, recovery, and a lot of trial and error, I’ve picked up tools that help when my depression wants to take over. Things like:
- Grounding techniques when my thoughts start spiraling
- Breathing exercises when anxiety shows up out of nowhere
- Journaling to get the noise out of my head and onto paper
- Reaching out instead of isolating when I feel myself pulling back
These tools don’t erase the pain, but they keep it from running the whole show. They give me just enough space to make a better choice instead of going back to old coping methods that only made things worse.
3. Staying Busy (On Purpose)
There’s a difference between staying busy to avoid your feelings and staying busy to keep from sinking into them. I try to do the second one.
During the holidays, I make a point to:
- Stick to some kind of daily routine
- Get out of the house, even if it’s just to grab coffee or take a short walk
- Work on small projects or hobbies that give me a sense of progress
- Help someone else if I can—sometimes serving others helps quiet my own storm
The goal isn’t to pretend everything is fine. The goal is to not let depression lock me in a dark room in my own head.
4. Practicing Real Self-Care (Not Just Bubble Baths)
Self-care during the holidays isn’t just hot chocolate and Christmas movies. Sometimes it looks like:
- Saying no to an event that drains you
- Limiting social media so you’re not drowning in everyone else’s highlight reel
- Taking your medications as prescribed
- Getting enough sleep and drinking enough water
- Reminding yourself: “I’m allowed to feel how I feel and still take care of myself.”
Self-care is not selfish. It’s survival.
Giving Yourself Permission to Feel—and to Hope
If the holidays are hard for you, I want you to hear this: You are not weak. You are not dramatic. You are not failing the season.
You’re human.
It’s okay if this year doesn’t look like the Christmas cards. It’s okay if your tree is small, or crooked, or not even up. It’s okay if your gift to yourself is simply making it through one day at a time without giving up.
For me, not having my kids here hurts in a way that’s hard to put into words. But I keep going—for them, for the future, and for the version of me that refuses to quit. I lean on my mom, on Jesse, on my support system, and on the tools I’ve learned over the years.
And if you’re reading this, maybe this can be one of your tools: a reminder that you’re not the only one who struggles when the world is singing “Joy to the World.”
A Gentle Challenge for This Season
If you’re battling depression this holiday season, try this:
- Tell at least one safe person, “Hey, this time of year is hard for me.”
- Plan one small thing each day that gives you a reason to get up—a walk, a call, a meeting, a project.
- Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d give a friend going through the same thing.
You deserve care, too. You deserve patience, too. You deserve to see another holiday where things are lighter than they are right now.
You’re not alone in this.
— Josh Bridges
YOU {R} NOT ALONE YOU HAVE A VOICE! 