Anger has always been one of my hardest battles. I don’t just “get annoyed”—I can go from calm to ready-to-snap in about two seconds if I’m not careful. Sometimes it’s over big things, but if I’m honest, it’s often over little stuff: a text that sounds off, someone cutting me off in conversation, plans changing at the last minute.
For a long time, I told myself, That’s just how I am. I grew up around raised voices. I learned early that yelling, slamming doors, and walking out were how you handled feeling disrespected or hurt. The problem is, that kind of anger doesn’t just disappear when you get older, get sober, or start going to church. It comes with you—into your relationships, your recovery, your job, all of it.
These days, I’m trying to do it differently. I haven’t “fixed” my temper, but I’m learning to manage it instead of letting it manage me.
Here are a few things I’m working on:
1. Owning it instead of excusing it
I used to say, “Well, you made me mad,” like I had no choice. Now I’m trying to say, “I lost my temper. That’s on me.” It doesn’t mean what someone else did was okay, but my reaction is still my responsibility. That little shift keeps me from blaming everyone else for my explosions.
2. Buying myself a few seconds
For me, anger is fastest in my mouth. If I don’t pause, I will say something sharp, cruel, or way bigger than the situation calls for. So I’m trying to build a gap: taking a breath, counting to ten, walking into another room, or saying, “I need a minute.” It sounds simple, but that tiny pause has saved a lot of damage.
3. Paying attention to what’s underneath
Most of the time, anger is just the mask. Underneath it is hurt, fear, shame, or feeling disrespected. When my temper flares, I’m learning to ask myself, What am I really feeling right now? Am I scared I’m going to be abandoned? Am I feeling judged? Am I tired or already stressed? When I name the real feeling, the anger comes down a notch.
4. Talking about it in safe places
Therapy, support meetings, and honest conversations with people I trust have helped me see patterns I couldn’t see on my own. I need those spaces where I can say, “Yeah, I blew up,” without everyone running away from me. Talking about my anger doesn’t make me weak—it gives me a chance to do better next time.
5. Making amends when I mess up
I still lose my temper. I still say things I wish I could take back. The difference now is, I try not to just move on like nothing happened. I apologize. I admit I was wrong. I try to repair what I can. That doesn’t erase the past, but it keeps new damage from piling up on top of old wounds.
If you’re struggling with your temper too, you’re not the only one. You’re not a monster, and you’re not hopeless. Anger is powerful—but so is the decision to slow down, take responsibility, and keep trying. I’m still learning, still stumbling, and still getting back up. And if I can work on my anger, so can you.
—Josh Bridges
YOU {R} NOT ALONE YOU HAVE A VOICE! 