Most of us grew up hearing:
“You’re selfish.”
“You only think about yourself.”
Then addiction came and proved that true in ugly ways. We lied, used, and hurt people. So now, in recovery, the last thing we want is to be called selfish again.
But here’s the twist:
In recovery, you actually have to be “selfish” sometimes—because you’re fighting for your life.
Not the old kind of selfish that says, “I don’t care who I hurt.”
But a new kind that says, “I care enough about my life and sobriety that I can’t keep putting myself last.”
That’s not selfish.
That’s survival.
Old Selfish vs. New Selfish
Old selfish (addiction):
Using or drinking no matter who it hurts Lying and hiding everything Ignoring other people’s feelings Chasing the next high and burning bridges
New selfish (recovery):
Leaving a party when people start using Saying no to old using buddies Choosing a meeting over a favor someone asked for Blocking numbers that trigger you Telling people, “I can’t do that today. I need to take care of me.”
One destroys your life.
The other protects it.
Guilt Doesn’t Mean You’re Wrong
When you start putting your recovery first, guilt shows up quick:
“Maybe I should’ve answered.” “Maybe I’m being dramatic.” “Maybe I’m a bad friend/son/dad.”
But that guilt is usually just an old script playing in a new life.
You were trained to:
Always say yes Fix everyone else Ignore your own pain
So when you finally say no, it feels wrong—even when it’s actually healthy.
The truth:
You’re not doing something bad.
You’re doing something different.
You Don’t Owe Anyone Your Sobriety
You don’t have to:
Go to events that aren’t safe for you Answer every late-night call Loan money you can’t afford Explain your boundaries 100 times
You’re allowed to say:
“I love you, but I can’t be around that.” “I care about you, but I can’t help in that way.” “I’m choosing my meeting tonight.”
If someone calls that selfish, so be it.
They don’t have to understand your recovery.
They’re not the ones trying to stay clean and alive.
Being “Selfish” Today Lets You Show Up Tomorrow
Putting your recovery first might look selfish to some people.
But here’s what it really is:
Choosing life over addiction Choosing honesty over people-pleasing Choosing peace over chaos Choosing long-term relationships over short-term approval
Being “selfish” with your recovery today is what allows you to be:
A present parent A reliable friend A better son or daughter A real version of yourself
You’re not abandoning people.
You’re refusing to abandon yourself anymore.
And that’s not something to apologize for.
That’s something to be proud of.
— Josh Bridges
YOU {R} NOT ALONE YOU HAVE A VOICE! 