There’s this weird lie a lot of us picked up growing up:
“If you really love someone, you’ll agree with them.
And if you don’t agree, you must not love them.”
That lie wrecks families. It ends friendships.
And it keeps a lot of us angry, bitter, and alone.
The truth?
You can love someone deeply and still disagree with their choices, their lifestyle, their beliefs, or their opinions.
Both can be true at the same time.
This is a blog for the middle ground—for the people who are trying to figure out:
“How do I stay friends with someone I care about,
when I really don’t like or agree with what they’re doing?”
Love doesn’t mean “I co-sign everything you do”
Real love is not a contract that says:
“I’ll only stick around if you think like me, vote like me, live like me, believe like me.”
Real love says:
“I care about you as a human being, even when we don’t match up.”
You can:
Respect your friend Listen to them Spend time with them Want good things for them
…and still say inside your heart,
“I don’t agree with that choice,”
or
“That’s not what I believe.”
That’s not fake.
That’s actually mature.
Respect is about how you treat people
Respect doesn’t mean:
You have to stay silent about what you believe. You have to pretend to like things that go against your values. You have to watch your friend self-destruct and clap for them.
Respect does mean:
You talk to them, not about them. You don’t call them names, belittle them, or make them feel stupid. You give them room to make their own choices—even if you wouldn’t choose the same.
You can say:
“I love you, and I don’t see it that way.” “That’s not something I’m comfortable with, but I still care about you.” “We’re probably always going to disagree on this, and that’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”
We don’t have to be the same to belong
Some of us grew up in homes where:
Disagreement = disrespect Asking questions = “talking back” Having your own opinion = “being difficult”
So now as adults, as soon as someone thinks differently, we feel:
Attacked Rejected Unsafe
But healthy relationships make room for:
Different experiences Different beliefs Different journeys
You can be:
Sober and still love friends who drink (with boundaries). A person of faith and still be close to people who don’t believe. Conservative or liberal and still show up for each other’s birthdays, hospital visits, and hard days.
We don’t need clones.
We need people—real, messy, not-like-us people—who still show up.
How to respect a friend you disagree with
Here are some simple ways to practice this in real life:
1. Listen all the way through
Let them finish.
Don’t stand there just waiting for your turn to respond.
Ask:
“Help me understand why this matters to you.” “Where did this belief or choice come from for you?”
You don’t have to end up agreeing.
But listening is one of the deepest forms of respect.
2. Speak your truth without attacking theirs
You can use phrases like:
“From my experience…” “For me, my faith/values lead me to…” “I see it differently because…”
That’s different than:
“You’re stupid for thinking that.” “Anyone who believes that is crazy.”
Same opinion. Very different impact.
3. Pick your battles
Not every hill is worth dying on.
Ask yourself:
“Is this really worth losing a relationship over?” “Is this about safety and harm—or just about me wanting to be right?”
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let a small thing go.
4. Set clear, kind boundaries
Respect goes both ways.
You can say:
“I love you, but I’m not comfortable doing that.” “I’m happy to hang out, but not if we’re getting high/drunk.” “I want to spend time together, but let’s leave politics out of tonight.”
Boundaries don’t mean:
“I’m done with you.”
They mean:
“I want this relationship to survive, so I’m drawing a line to protect both of us.”
When their choices really do hurt you
Sometimes it’s not just “we don’t agree.”
Sometimes their choices:
Trigger your recovery Disrespect your values over and over Put you in situations that feel unsafe
In those cases, respecting yourself also matters.
You’re allowed to:
Take space Limit contact Change how often and where you see them Say, “I care about you, but right now I have to step back for my own health.”
That doesn’t mean you hate them.
It means you’re finally including yourself in the list of people you’re trying to protect.
For those of us who are people of faith
If you’re a person of faith, this is important:
Jesus didn’t only eat with people who agreed with Him.
He didn’t only sit with “approved” crowds.
He:
Spent time with the broken, the messy, the outcasts Spoke truth and showed compassion Loved people without watering down who He was
You’re allowed to be the same:
Stand on what you believe Love people who don’t Let God handle the changing of hearts
Your job is to love well, speak truth in love, and keep your heart soft—not to control everybody around you.
You’re allowed to keep your people, even if you don’t match
At the end of the day, most of us don’t want perfect friends.
We just want:
Someone who shows up Someone who doesn’t throw us away when we struggle Someone who can say, “We don’t agree, but I’m still here.”
So if you’ve got friends you don’t always agree with, that doesn’t mean the relationship is broken.
It might just mean it’s real.
You can:
Respect them Respect yourself Keep your values Keep your friends
All at the same time.
You don’t have to choose between your convictions and your connections.
You’re allowed to have both.
You {R} Not Alone.
—Josh Bridges
YOU {R} NOT ALONE YOU HAVE A VOICE! 