BOUNDARIES

There’s a certain kind of guilt that creeps in when you finally start saying no. It’s the kind that doesn’t come from doing something wrong—but from doing something right for the first time. That guilt you feel for setting boundaries isn’t a flaw in your character. It’s a wound. A wound that comes from years of being taught—directly or indirectly—that your peace, your needs, and your comfort were less important than someone else’s.

When you’ve spent most of your life trying to please people, keep the peace, or earn love through self-sacrifice, boundaries can feel like betrayal. You start to wonder, Am I being selfish? Am I pushing people away? But what’s really happening is you’re breaking an old, toxic cycle—the one that convinced you that abandoning yourself was the price of love or acceptance.

The truth is, setting boundaries is not about keeping people out; it’s about keeping yourself safe within. It’s saying, I deserve the same care and respect I give to others. And yes, that’s uncomfortable at first. Healing usually is. You’re not just learning to say “no”—you’re learning to value your “yes.”

Boundaries are not walls; they’re doors. And you get to decide who walks through them, and how far they go. Some people won’t like your new limits, especially if they benefited from your lack of them. That’s okay. Their discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it often means you’re finally doing something right.

You’ll feel guilt, maybe even fear. But underneath that, there’s something stronger—peace. Each time you honor your boundaries, you teach yourself that you’re worthy of respect, love, and rest. You’re retraining your heart to stay, not to abandon.

So the next time guilt knocks, remind yourself:

You’re not being mean.

You’re not being cold.

You’re finally being whole.

And that’s something to be proud of.

— Josh Bridges