She laughed without fear. She smiled so confidently. She loved so fiercely. She protected her life and her kids like it were her job. Who was she? Where did she come from? How did she have this amazing soul? Would you of known she had been through great struggles? She battled man after man. She went through trauma after trauma. Would you have ever guessed that, by the way, she carries herself? She’s only 25, and she’s not old enough to experience life yet, right? In the last six years, she’s been abused. Time after time. Verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually. She hasn’t had a break in six years. Between three different men. What is wrong with her? Why did she pick these men? Why did she allow that kind of abuse, not between one guy, but three? She was a lost, young soul just trying to figure herself out in life. She was trying to figure out her purpose. She trusted too quickly, and she loved too hard. But she never regretted it because that’s who she was. That girl is me. I am one of the girls from nowhere, broken but not forgotten and still fighting. Out of every abusive relationship I’ve been through, I’ve got beautiful children out of it. My kids are my life. My kids are what keeps me going. They are my purpose, my strength, my hope. I’ve been told over the years I’m not good enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’m not skinny enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m a terrible wife, I can’t handle my depression, I’m weak because I have mental illnesses, I’m weak because I go to counseling, I don’t make enough money, I have too many “baby daddies,” I’m nothing but a stay at home mom. I’ve been cornered, screamed at, punched, thrown food at, grabbed, dragged by my hair, strangled. I’ve been suicidal. I’ve been controlled and manipulated. I’ve felt humiliated, powerless, weak, small, worthless, and a bad person. But I am now free. My chains have been broken. I am single. I am alone. It’s me and my kids against the world. I will be a voice for others.
I left a very financially stable marriage in my pajamas and no shoes on. I left it all behind. My beautiful four-bedroom home. My fantastic brand new car. And my financial freedom as a stay-at-home mom. I left it all behind to build a life from scratch the way I want my story to become. And I’ve never felt more empowered in my life. I feel free, independent, joyful, excited, and more wise and strong than I ever have in my entire life. This was meant to be. I am at the right place in my life. I know great things will come. I know my future will be bright. There is hope. You can survive. You can thrive. Your worth is so important. So I will laugh without fear. I will smile so confidently. I will continue to love fiercely. And I will protect my life, and my kid’s life like it is my job. I am finding my voice for the first time in 25 years.