“I am breaking the silence, finding my voice fighting for freedom, my only choice.”
Addiction isn’t something easy to explain to someone. How can something so complex as this be put into simple explanations? It’s not simple because addiction is anything but “simple.” Something simple doesn’t consume an entire life in such a quick breath. How can someone looking from the outside understand why their loved one still living and breathing has become a stranger in their view. Addiction takes your life without causing clinical death. A heart still beats, but life is barely there. The monster consuming you is but a “Cry Wolf Scenario,” if you will. The thought is rational “Why don’t you just stop doing the drug”? They cant see the agony of wanting to be free of the chains of wanting to stop the pain that addiction has caused. The physical and mental suffering wins most of the time, and we give in to it because we want what placed us in this dark cage in the first place. We want to feel better. We know when it wears off, the pain will be worse than before the relapse. It eases the pain for a second, but it always comes back, and the process begins again. Why do people become addicts? We get that first taste of freedom. Being numb is the true addiction to any drug; they all numb a part of us all. For me, the ice gave me the confidence to show my true self without caring what anyone thought. Not that anything I was self-conscious of was shameful. I’ve learned to find that freedom in sobriety as well, but I was always afraid of people’s judgment. I think the biggest hurdle of addiction is to find the part that the drug numbs and deal with it sober. Sounds easy, right? Not even close to easy, but it is possible. Addiction has defeated me in many ways, but if I hadn’t become an addict, I wouldn’t be who I am now. I know every addict’s path and situation are different, and I owe a lot of my progress to the work of God. Without being close to my faith, maybe I wouldn’t be saved now. God uses every situation to lead us somewhere better and make us more vital for the battles we still have to face in life. Addicts see the darkest parts of the evil and pain in this world. When living in darkness, you learn how to appreciate the light.
By: Crystal Gilroy