Having unresolved issues with the person who died will cause you to be stuck in grief. These issues may be petty disagreements over work or family life, or they could be deep-rooted conflicts that were never settled. You can still settle those issues in your own heart.
“You can’t get unstuck from grief until you deal with the issues that stuck and gummed things up in the first place,” says Dr. Ray Pritchard.
To complete the grieving process, you must go back and deal with unresolved issues. These matters can be resolved. A pastor, counselor, or support group may help you with this.
You could also write a letter to the loved one with whom you had the disagreement or misunderstanding. Give details and ask for forgiveness. Because the person you lost cannot read the letter or respond to you, this exercise is totally for your benefit. Finally, tear up the letter. The matter is settled and finished. You can do no more.
Tell God about these conflicts. Tell Him what the disagreement was, how you felt then, and how you feel now.
“Review the past for me, let us argue the matter together” (Isaiah 43:26).
Lord God, I keep thinking, If only. But I cannot go back, so I must go forward with Your help. Lead me to a Christian counselor or support group that can help me settle the issues causing such turmoil in my heart. But first, Lord, let me tell You all about it …