Mental health is a major issue, but nobody wants to talk about it. Most people would rather ignore it and look the other way. People with a mental health issue tend to hide it. I know I did for a long time. I didn’t want to seem weak and looked down upon. I didn’t want to worry people or bother them with my issues. I never realized how many people I had that cared about me and how I felt or that there were other people out there just like me. Struggling trying to get by one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. I hated the fact that I felt the way I did. That feeling of I’m not important. That I’m better off dead, and people would be happier if I were gone. I still, at times, have episodes when I feel that way.
When that happens, my mind doesn’t let me process the aftermath of making that horrible decision of killing myself. The people I would hurt, who need me and want me around that would miss me if I were gone. All my mind tells me is that this is a cure, and the pain will go away. Luckily I reached out and asked for help, and I called a helpline. They talked to me for hours and checked in on me daily. They got ahold of a local recovery facility. At this time in my life, my alcoholism was the only way I knew how to deal with my feelings.
Ever since I was young, alcohol numbed my feelings for a short period, taking away the pain. It helped me forget. People from the facility started calling and showing up at my house. They saved my life, a lady who I now consider a friend had come over one day. She could tell on the phone that I was struggling. I was depressed, and thoughts of suicide ran rapid in my head. She got me into the hospital, where I stayed for a couple of days. I had two more of these episodes in the following weeks. Each time was more intense than the previous one. My mother, who knew about my struggles but didn’t know what to do, was worried.
My mental state was deteriorating. The pain of sadness is draining and mind consuming feeling. Depression can take every minute of your day. If you also suffer from other mental health issues, it becomes even worse. With the help of my new and growing support team, I checked into a facility. I stayed for thirty days. I then got into an outpatient program when I came home to continue working on my issues. I stay involved with them even to this day. With my sobriety and support team, plus the proper medications and many other things, I’m involved in like support groups, which is a major help talking to others with similar issues. Now when I have an episode of suicidal thoughts or other problems, I have the support that I need to help me work through it. My mother, of course, being a part of my support team, gets the help she needs also. It’s not just me going through this. The people around you suffer as well. I hope this helps someone and gives them hope. There is help out there and please remember you are not alone.



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